She’s done it again. This week, the lovely Danielle LaPorte unleashed another Burning Question that lit a bonfire under my ass: “What money resentments do you have…that you could let go of?”
(Ya gotta admit, it’s an excellent question…that doesn’t take a lot of thinking to answer.)
It’s easy to identify our resentments. And *maybe* even to release them.
Like Danielle’s friend Rory, it took me about a nanosecond to call up my resentment because it smolders close to the surface.
I resent that when I was a kid, my parents continually bombarded me with comments intended to teach me “appreciation” and “gratitude” that destroyed my sense of self-worth:
“Without us, you wouldn’t have anything.”
“Without us, you couldn’t even take care of yourself.”
“Without us, you’d have nothing.”
“Without us, you’d BE nothing.”
Then yesterday, as I was walking my dogs and thinking about those old comments―mean and misguided as they were―I realized I’d given up resenting my parents for saying them.
And so my resentment was gone. POOF. Problem solved. Abundance could now flow straight toward me and I should be feeling great, right?
Even though I no longer felt angry, I still didn’t feel good.
Because I was still upset over the negative impact those decades-old words had on my life.
Simply recognizing and releasing resentment does NOT automatically free us from its effects.
Resentment is the root cause of the problem, whereas the beliefs and habits we develop in response are its residual effects.
Perpetuating these effects―the resulting beliefs and habits―over the course of years (or decades!) ingrains them deeply into our minds and natures.
So, before we can have any hope of overcoming them, we need to dig deeper and uncover the myriad subtle (and obvious) ways they manifest.
For example, in my case, the belief that I’m basically worthless shows up in three different forms of self-sabotage:
1. I have a hard time finishing what I start. The feeling that I lack value compels me to acquire expert-level knowledge and/or training before I feel competent to release even the simplest offerings.
2. I question the value of the offerings I do complete. So, I end up cramming in waaaaaayyyyyyy too much content while charging far too little for what I provide.
3. I overspend and overconsume in an effort to fill the void within. Not surprisingly, this makes me feel even worse about myself.
In the end, the form of self-sabotage makes little difference. The result is always the same: A paltry bank account that reflects my “inadequacy” and reinforces my feelings of worthlessness.
Becoming and remaining free of the effects of resentment requires awareness and continued vigilance.
We need to be able to spot the warning signs of impending self-sabotage.
Only then can we begin dismantling our underlying beliefs and habits, and start developing our capacity to prevail if―no, when―those habits and beliefs rear their nasty little heads. Which, by the way, will happen. Right when we’re on the verge of going to the next level of success.
It was this distinction that allowed me to move forward and finally start making some tangible progress.
I’m now able to see the worth of my products and services―the value and benefits they provide my customers―independent of the beliefs I formed about my self worth so many years ago.
And yet, despite this realization, the battle isn’t over.
Reality is that I’m going to have to remain aware and alert in order to overcome my old beliefs and habits. Over and over. And then over again.
The good news is that I’m in great company: The very brightest luminaries―our most beloved writers, actors, musicians, artists, athletes and scientists―will all tell you they routinely experience self-doubt. The only difference between them and the average person is that they refuse to let self-doubt win.
So…will you join me and the stars in releasing resentments and overcoming the limiting beliefs and habits that keep us stuck and small? Please share what you’re letting go of in the comment section below!
P.S.―Stay tuned for my companion article in which I answer the question “What The Hell Were Our Parents Thinking?” along with a helpful tool or two for dealing with their/our crap!